I’m addicted to Serial Killers. Send help.

I would like to start with an apology for the photo above, I’m having a rough morning. My allergies are going mad, so no make up (not that I should have to apologise for that, but still.)

My hair is still in what I call ‘The Witch State.’ Which happens the morning after it has just been washed and is left to dry naturally, it points in every direction and will not be tamed.

My coffee is too milky and not sugary enough, and as a result, I feel bitter. Alas,  I shall not let that influence this post!

I have an addiction. It all started last Monday, when I stumbled upon a beautiful, creepy show called ‘You.’

Now, whilst I wouldn’t class the fictional Joe Goldberg as a serial killer, (even though he did kill, like, 3 people. Maybe he is, how many people do you have to kill to go from murderer to serial killer?)

Either way, Joe was charming and really quite romantic. It got to the point where Ian and I were calling Beck a slag and cheering Joe on when he’s going to murder her therapist. Of course, he had his flaws. Masturbating outside your window is not a quality you look for in a man. That’s worse than murder.

At one point he was being all romantic and narrating the way Beck moved and spoke. Stuff like ‘You crave attention because you don’t wear a bra’ (Not those exact words, but more sexy) I said to Ian: ‘I’d love it if you talked about me like that.’ And he just looked me in the eye for a second and said: ‘Lucie, you’d turn into the angry squirrel.’

I have this thing where I pretend I can kick arse, but in reality I’m basically a teddy bear. When I’m frustrated, I think I become the devil, but Ian says I’m just an ‘angry squirrel.’ No matter how hard I try, I can’t be one of those people that releases hell and scares people. I’m too small.

And Ian’s right (about the Joe thing anyway.) As much as I think it’s dead romantic that he’s describing her, I would get pretty annoyed that he’s making assumptions based on the fact I’m not wearing a bra. To be fair though, if it were me instead of Beck, he would not find my bralessness attractive. There is never a time that I don’t wear a bra in public. I do not want to disturb people with my cold nipnips and saggy breasts. (Big boobed people will understand my pain. Your back can only support so much chesty flab.)

Okay, so that took a weird turn. Talking about my sag on the internet… it’s a good thing I didn’t have any self respect or pride to begin with.

I think I’ll leave it here, but I want to leave you with a gift to look forward to…

Somehow, I have agreed to go Kickboxing with my friend next week. She does these classes and invited me once when I was drunk and of course, I said yes but she didn’t want to take advantage of me. So, she asked me again sober and to her surprise I still said yes.

My point is: I’m either going to Blog or Vlog about the entire experience so it’ll be like Christmas for those unfitties like me. You never know though, maybe it’s something that I’m extraordinary at but would have never known if I hadn’t tried.

I think my powerful thighs will help.

On that note:

Toodles.

PS: If you haven’t already – check out my baking vlog!

https://youtu.be/B5LygEtMJuw

 

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