What is wrong with Southerners?

Yes, I am late to post yet again. My only excuse is that I didn’t choose the procrastination life, the procrastination life chose me.

I am here, on the other side of your phone screen, (or if you’re really spoiling yourself, your computer) to tell you about my most recent trip to a dark, scary place. I’m talking literally here, I’m not going to tell you about my several mental breakdowns. That’s for another day, when I feel like making you cry instead of laugh.

No. This is a very sad, dreadful place where the inhabitants eat chips with nothing but salt and vinegar and call baps ‘breadrolls.’ (I’m sorry if you’re from overseas reading this, it really won’t make much sense. All you need to know is there are many ways of saying ‘bread.’)

That’s right, kiddo. I ventured to the south, where my accent truly belongs. Ian and I went with his dad (Russell) and brother (Ali) to Seaford, but it wasn’t a planned holiday. Sadly, it was for a funeral, but also for a birthday. You can imagine it was a very strange couple of days.

I was actually most excited for the car journey. I’m always inspired by long journeys, especially at night when the stars are out. But it turns out that it’s pretty hard to write when Russell is making everyone try to jump out of the car with his bad jokes. Honestly, I love them. I’m not sure if I enjoy them, or enjoy how much everyone else hates them.

The funeral was a lovely service, and for the wake we went to a very posh hotel and had afternoon tea.

Boy, do I like afternoon tea. It makes me feel like I’m a sophisticated queen and not a poor, alcoholic student who’s 50 grand in debt.

The hotel was far too posh for a wild Lucie to be let into though. I was in a nice dress, so I didn’t stand out too much. But this was the sort of place where the open doors for you (just in case your hands fall off) and they call you ‘madam.’

I was so shocked when the waitress first said it. ‘Any tea for you, madam?’ I was so taken aback, I almost choked on my sandwich. Instead of trying to talk (they’d be onto my poverty if I talked) I just smiled and nodded. Madam? You may as well call me ‘your highness’ from now on. I have become accustomed to a wealthy life in the three days I was down there.

We ate across the world too. The first night, when we arrived at 11pm, we had pizza.

The next day, we had Fish and Chips. I was actually so disheartened that I couldn’t have gravy on my pie and chips. How can you have pie without gravy? I had to have ketchup, like a five year-old. Ian even asked for cheesy chips, but nope. They don’t do that either. Or mushy peas. They just have fish and chips. Truly shocking.

Then we went out for Indian and I decided I was going to have the spiciest curry they had, Naga. I made such a mistake. My eyes watered, my nose ran, my heart almost burst out of my chest. But I could not look weak in front of Ian’s grandparent’s, so I just ate the chicken and left most of the sauce. I had to get their value for money.

Aside from the food rage, not much happened. We went into Brighton to get a nice sandwich and have a little shop. We popped into Sea Life, but the ocean display was shut. Considering the place is called Sea Life, you can gather that the ocean is a pretty big part of it. So we saw some wise-looking Chinese fish and left.

It was nice to go down and see everyone though. I’m slowly learning that they’re all just as insane as I am, so that’s a relief.

Now, I only have a few weeks left of uni and then I’m working full-time. (The joys.) This may be my last exciting adventure for a while, but no need to fear! I will keep posting random rubbish on the internet for you, it just means that the posts probably will literally just be – well – random rubbish!

Goodbye for now!



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