Good evening, and welcome back to another post about Lucie’s tragic life.
Lucie actually feels like life is tragic right now, as she is on a diet. *Duh, duh duuuuuh* She is sugaring separation anxiety after she parted ways with cheese, carbs and (the biggest loss) chocolate.
Now, I’m not that unhealthy for someone that has chocolate for breakfast and several sweet snacks throughout the day. I was doing fine gorging myself on pizza and lasagne. (The real question is: Why haven’t I been to Italy when most of my diet consists of Italian specialties? That’s something to add to my bucket list.)
But, I realised there was a problem when my work trousers split. I probably should have been embarrassed, but I knew it was going to happen one day. I hadn’t even been able to do the button up for quite a few weeks, I just kept them up with a belt and covered up the gaping hole (Oo-er) with my t-shirt.
‘But why didn’t you order new ones?’ I hear you cry. ‘Why didn’t you do the logical thing and just buy some new trousers before it was too late?’
Basically, I’m a stubborn bitch. I literally wait until my eyeball is falling out of my head to go to the opticians. I am British, after all.
I wanted to keep the teeny tiny trousers as motivation to lose weight, so that I wouldn’t have to spend my wages on work gear. So with all the grace of an overweight duck, I bent over to pick up some BBQ sauce, and heard my crotch rip. I was just grateful that it was my crotch because I could easily cover that up. If it had been my arse (which is the size of a small planet) then everybody would have seen. It’s the small mercies.
So here I am, dipping my carrot sticks into fat free humous (No, that is not an innuendo. How I wish it was…) Today I had a bowl of (gross) carrot soup, carrot sticks as a snack, and Chicken and rice served with, guess what? That’s right! Carrot!
Carrots are the only thing I can find that I can (sort of) enjoy. I mean, I do like a lot of different veg but carrots are by far the cheapest. (Thank you Aldi, 36p for 6. Absolute bargain.)
I had salads for a few days, but soon found out that lettuce is very bland, even when mixed with cucumber and tomatoes. It made me lose the will to live.
Ian, of course, is being a demon about the whole thing. He says that I don’t need to lose weight because he doesn’t want to diet. I told him that I do and it’s fine, he doesn’t have to diet too.
But then he begun to buy cookies and snacks that I really really want to eat, and always leaves them on the table in front of me. It’s like putting a steak on the table next to a dog whose eating canned food. It’s cruel, really.
Even though I’m dieting I have managed to not kill him, which is more progress than I’ve made in the past. (You guys should really feel sorry for Ian when I’m hangry. I’m a beast.)
So now I’m off, to make my chicken and rice and see how much sugar spices have in them. (You’d be amazed these days.) If I’m not a size 8 by next week then I’m going. to be extremely unhappy.
Feel free to comment any healthy recipes! Anything that will help this hell is greatly appreciated!